all 7 comments

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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I know some people have criticized the term "passing" because it basically just means looking like a cis woman. However, I as a trans woman feel dysphoric about "looking like a cis man" instead of a cis woman. I just wanted to know your thoughts about this. Some trans people feel it's important to get grs, while some feel fine and don't seek it. pls answer

[–]lif 13 points14 points ago

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Your well-being and happiness always comes first. If passing is an integral component to that happiness and well-being then it can't be "wrong". It's also okay to be indifferent to passing, or to find happiness in being visibly trans. It's also okay to change your mind about passing, even daily - the motivations behind wanting to pass can be complex.

[–]vini 11 points12 points ago

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blending not passing.

etc etc etc

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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thank you that's what I'm gonna use sadly it's not a very widely used term.

[–]blueduch 10 points11 points ago

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I'm pretty sure it's okay as long as it's just individual. It would be bad for somebody to think that "passing" or "looking cis" is something all trans people should try to do. And I guess you could say that the concept of passing is bad because it's a result of society having binary cisnormative views of gender. But that isn't any individual's fault, and they should do what makes them happy, so if they want to "pass", I don't think anybody should get in their way. Individual happiness should come first to an individual. They may or may not have been pressured into it somehow, but that would be a bigger societal issue. If people wanted to fight against societal pressure to "pass", criticizing other trans people wouldn't be the place to start.

As for the actual term "passing", it seems problematic because it implies that

  1. trans people who are perceived as cis are hiding something

  2. trans people who are perceived as cis are just "passing as <insert gender here>" even though that actually is their gender

  3. appearing cis should be the goal for all trans people, because that's the only way to "pass" or "get by"

[–]powerful_allie 4 points5 points ago

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Not at all. If that's what you want to be happy rock on!

Personally I prefer "recognizable", since 'passing' has a lot of baggage associated with it. I don't care to pass as cis, but I want to be recognizably female. Whether people also read me as trans doesn't really matter if they get the female part down. It took me about six or eight months to get to that point though.

[–]willasaywhat 1 point2 points ago

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Going to echo what most have said and say that if it makes you happy, then no its not wrong. What would be wrong, however, is to imply to others that it should be important to them. Personally, passing is a huge deal to me. My dysphoria is/was primarily social in nature, but part of that for me is being perceived and affirmed as a woman. Not passing means that doesn't happen, and I feel like crap, so passing is a thing I spend a ridiculous amount of time contemplating. I drive my wife crazy with 'do I look okay' and 'does this look too masculine' questions. Seriously. I do.