all 4 comments

[–]andreaplanbee 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

yeah i used to be that person. took me years to get over hating women (and myself). for me it was the only way i was taught to be. society makes a big fucking deal about exactly how annoying/petty/awful/greedy/empty/self-centered/etc/etc/etc women are. some women (like me) are more receptive to those messages and are more likely to really really believe that these things are true. and if we do that, then we have to believe that all women are all bad. and if all women are all bad then the only way we can ourselves not feel all-bad is to put ourselves in a different group from all-women. we have to be the exception to the rule.

for me, what i needed wasn't to be told i was all-wrong and to be set straight, it was to see examples of women being badass and respected as well. seeing examples in society of women expressing femininity and not being made fun of or sexualized for it!

if you're a guy, i don't think there's much you can do because she might have some shitty assumptions of men as well. like, if she calls another woman a slut because of her outfit, if you were to jump in and defend the womans outfit, her assumptions on men might lead her to the conclusion that you just want to have sex with that woman which will reinforce her idea that women only dress up to please the sex drives of men.

instead, you might want to tell her that those things she says makes you feel sad because you imagine them being said about your own mom/sister/childhood friend/grandma/cousin/aunt/niece/etc.

idk i guess i just rambled. i hope that helps.

[–]Voidkom[S] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It was nice to read your post, thank you for your reply. I was hoping to spark a bigger discussion that I could learn from though.

Tried to speak to her again some time ago. She talked about media's job in imposing standards on women. I agreed wholeheartedly, but me suggesting we shouldn't impose our own standards as a reaction to that didn't really generate an enthousiastic response. This is going to be a long process I guess.

[–]curious_electric 0 points1 point ago

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This is going to be a long process I guess.

If you mean "me convincing her to stop slut shaming is going to be a long process," then you might be taking on a little too much there. It's not up to you to make her into a proper feminist. That's up to her. You can set your own boundaries, like "I'm really not comfortable with slut shaming, can you not do that around me?" -- that much is about you. But consciousness raising is not really something you can do for her, esp. as a dude.

[–]Voidkom[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not really me. I mean, I will occasionally provide some food for thought but it really boils down to her. Don't worry, I have been in a similar situation with making a u-turn regarding my politics. I'm aware that debates and other stuff will merely make me come over as preachy and bossy and don't really do anything besides risk losing a friend.

Just wondering about what kind of food for thought.