all 5 comments

[–]oolong[S] 4 points5 points ago

so, coming from a diasporic chinese perspective, this article covers a lot of my fears

especially with the mulan remake coming up, i've been thinking about a new generation of asian kids who'll deal with intrusive racist questions about arranged marriages. mulan was released before i even got into 1st grade, but i got questions about arranged marriages all the way up to high school. back then, i didn't even think that anything in the mulan matchmaking scenes could happen to me. the movie's set in a historical time frame, why would my modern family marry me off???

but after i turned 18, i've had to fend off questions about dating and marriage from my own family. and it's only been ramping up. i'm scared, they've already gotten to discussing the matchmaker they'll ask. and it seems like i'd have a right to refuse, but i.....don't... think i can??? the emotional manipulation at play here is unreal, and i feel like i have so much to lose if i don't get married and have children, except for the part where i do not hecking want to get married or have children. i wish my family wouldn't treat me this way, but i know i'm not the only one. this happened in my parents' generation, and is still happening in mine

[–]devtesla 2 points3 points ago

:( I hope a chance arises for you to stop this inevitablity. Is there anyone in your community you can talk to about this?

Some places have arranged marriage helplines, I know this might not seem like an emergency situation but there should be someone to talk it though with.

[–]oolong[S] 4 points5 points ago

i've tried before, but it's never to someone i've come out to, so they always think i'll change my mind. but i can't come out, because my family might change the timeline from marriage in a couple of years to marriage within the year just to save face, and i don't want to get disowned/excommunicated ....and i hate this situation

there isn't a helpline here, but when it gets bad, i do talk about it with friends. it's taken this long to bring it up here only because of how much it's tied up with emotional manipulation

thank you though

[–]devtesla 1 point2 points ago

You're really great and I wish you didn't have to go through all this. All my love <3

[–]dudeseriouslyno 1 point2 points ago

Self-sacrifice is good. Forcing a lifelong choice onto your child against their own wishes gets you fucking disowned. My two cents.