always meaning to write, to convert fleeting thoughts and mood into
something more tangible, distributable. Reading the tales of past
adventures, from those who reached semblances of /identity/ to display
in public and private. Never being truly freed from stress over
classwork, homework, scraps of a mental to-do list for /best-case
scenarios/, a looming pressure of an adulthood which feels unearned,
undeserved, unwarranted, the knot of anxiety which burns just above the
solar plexus, seemingly /because/ i've decided to write this down.
always /trying/ to work things out, sometimes feeling as if i've
directed my efforts to bailing out a sinking ship. fleeting notions of
stability are only because another task is forgotten; /of course/ i
couldn't actually manage this well in reality. a twelve-mile drive in
order to show up late each day because i never finish homework early
enough to get enough sleep.