almost my sister's death anniversary again and i've been feeling lonely all week because my other sisters flew out on monday and just, i don't get along with them or anything but i still feel overwhelmed every august and having other family members around to at least witness it with me would help i think??
but!! that's not what i've been thinking about today. rather, i realised that compared to where i was last year (or even the year before that), i'm in such a better place emotionally and mental health-wise. like i didn't mention it here but my diagnosis changed to ocd and adhd and it has been the best thing that's happened to me?? i don't have the cloud of depression hanging over my life anymore, it's not completely gone because i'm still prone to depressive periods and it's a symptom of my ocd/anxiety but this year, i have woken up and not felt like death. i wake up and it may not be on the right side of bed but it's zillions of times better than that directionless feeling i spent all of last year with.
i understand myself a lot better now and it feels good? i need to work on my therapy homework more and take care of myself better and ok there are a lot of things i could be engaging in with more positivity but i have this little ray of hope and it's more than i ever could have dreamed of a year back
thanks for reading, and for being there this year and the previous years and i love you all very much, have a great day!!!!<3333